The sculptor; part 8

I want to swallow the words that just escaped from my mouth and I press my hands against my cheeks and lips while I stare, big eyed, at the son of bitch kneeling in front of me - and looking at me like I am a toddler that needs a band-aid.

"Eddie ... I don't want abstinence." The words still seem to echo. And I want to crawl away.

He shakes his head and makes a disapproving clacking sound with his tongue. And with a grin on his handsome face he gestures at his mates and then at me, saying:

"Well, there are plenty of fish in the sea to take care of that. A pretty vixen like you can take her pick."
The approving sounds from his friends make Sas hiss.

Then Eddie reaches out to me and unbuttons my blouse way below my bra, leaving a shockingly low cleavage.

His fingers linger, softly tracing my naked skin next to the delicate fabric of my shirt.

"Go for it, my child." He says after some time and with a sigh he gets up.
And, looking down at me he ads: " But choose wisely."

Turns and walks away, while his friends still stand around Sas and me.  One of them bends down to me, but Eddie is back in two paces and shoves him away.

"No." he simply says. But his manner is threatening somehow.
The guy moves away with an apologetic gesture.
Eddie moves his head and his mates follow him. Like some gang.

"Whoa, that was fucking scary." Sas says after the sculptor and his friends went inside the venue.

"Hálwen, what just happened here?"

"Oh, just me, making an endless fool of myself."

"Eddie? I don't want abst..." Sas mimics my voice

"Yes, yes...I just offered myself to him." I interrupted.

"But he acted so weird. Pimping you and guarding you like a Corsican husband at the same time?"

"I don't know."

I stand up and offer Sas my hand.

"Lets enjoy the music."

And we go inside.

I think I'm drinking a bit too much. And to spite Eddie I didn't button up my shirt.
I know I behave like I'm out of control. Well maybe I am. I dance a snake dance and I jump and I flirt.

Guys grope me and I push them away, laughing. From the corners of my eyes I see Eddie watching me. Watching me with a bottle of beer on his lips and a gorgeous girl in his arms.

And I grab a boy, not too bad looking and pull him to me, kiss him on the mouth. Eddie lifts his bottle and salutes me, then whispers something in the ear of the girl and they leave through some door.

It feels like a hand grabs something inside of my chest and squeezes.

"Do you wanna go outside?" The boy says too close to my face. He is cute. Nothing more.

"No, no...I want to...let me go." And I walk to the stage where a local band is playing the kind of music I like. I climb the stage and walk to the frontman to ask if they can play a favourite song of mine...I ask, no plead, if I can sing it.
At first they laugh a bit. Calculate. Deliberate.
And they start playing.
They let me take the mic.

And without shame - I sing. Drunk. Seductively. Hoarse. Like a slut. Like a witch. Powerful and vulnerable.

Hot skin in the night

In the hour when the animals are born

And crimes of passion are committed

Take me to the morning light

Take me to your leader

It took a girl like me

To bring you to your knees

You took a girl like me

You are my heart

You are my only heart

But this cold air is killing me

And as we make love

The silence, the silence

Trying to find the thread

Of failed romance

It took a girl like me

To bring you to your knees

You take a girl like me

I swing my face towards the sky

You put your hand over my mouth

Oh, take me, take me

To the frozen north

Skating, falling

Falling down, down, down

Into icy water

I'll be what you want me to be

To bring you to your knees

Your lover, your daughter

We'll move in slow motion

Falling down, down, down

Into icy water you took a girl like me

I might never leave this room again

Shut myself inside the old photographs

The faded light of the young girl

Patterns, shadows on the walls

Painted ladies they look a lot like me

It took a girl like me

To bring you to your knees

You took a girl like me

The crowd cheers. Who would have thought? Green, drunk Hálwen, doing the perfect PJ Harvey impersonation.
Then I see the sculptor standing backstage, almost out of sight - behind a black curtain. Staring at me. At me! Without a tee, just his shorts, the girl behind him, clinging on his shoulders - kissing his neck. And on his face; marvel ... and ... and something else.

I jump off the stage and run home. In an even pace, all the way home.

I reach the toilet in time to throw up.

Then I get my toothbrush and go to the sink. Brush. Brush the taste away. The taste of this evening, of this day.

I put my head under the tap of cold running water. Gulp the precious fluid. Let it run over my face, my upper body.

I lift my head to look at myself. White as a sheet and panda eyes. My hair tangled. My lips burning. Red.

Resolute I close the tap.

And like in trance I walk through the corridor, to the stairs  - up. Past the plastered torso, to the door. The door that isn’t locked. I go into the room. The room that isn't mine.

And I sit on the bed.

Uninvited.

And I wait.

Lyrics of the song: A girl like me - by PJ Harvey.