The sculptor; part 15

Sas picks me up from the station.

"You look so determined. But I have no idea what you're doing here. I mean. I love that you're back, but why?"

"There are some loose ends I need to fix." I say bravely.

"And now you're John Wayne?"

"I guess I have something to tell you."

"Yes, you do. Coffee?"

"I can't believe you didn't tell me about that night!" Sas is still perplexed.

"Now I kind of understand what Martin saw. That sculptor is totally smitten by you!"

I giggle nervously.

"And you?" Sas asks. "What do you think of him now."

I look at my nails. Inhale deep. Try to hide my face in my hands.

"I see..." She says and strokes my hair.

"Come, let's go to my place. Have something to eat. Go to the pub after - make a plan."

Sas, Martin, Adrian and I are sitting in a quiet corner in our favourite pub when Rave joins us.

Things would be a lot less complicated if I had fallen for this cute, nice guy.
I smile and he bends over and gives me a warm hug and a weird kiss, that turns into a fake vampire bite, which making me squeal. At that same moment I see Eddie and his friends enter the pub. His gaze seems to fall on me directly and his eyes narrow when he misinterprets the situation.  The change on his face makes my heart jump when his beautiful features turn into an angry mask.

"Eddie." I call, freeing myself from Rave's awkward embrace.

But Eddie turns around and totally ignores me as he and his mates walk straight to the bar and order some beers.

The rest of the evening Eddie and his friends are on the other side of the pub. Getting louder and louder.  Obviously drunk.

I try not to look in their direction.

Martin whispers in my ear: "Go to him. Save him from himself."

But I shrug. "I don't know, Martin. That thing you saw; I'm sure it could have been about any girl at that time."
"No, it was you!" Martin exclaims. "Adrian, It was she!"

"Yes, pixie, it was you." Adrian says in his calm manner."

But I cannot believe it.  I just shake my head and smile at Rave, who entertains us with an anecdote about two girls and a teacher at the Drama Academy at an audition.

I have to go to the toilet. Which happens to be next to the table where Eddie and his friends are.

I have postponed long enough. I really need to pee.

With unsteady feet I walk in their direction. They all seem to go quiet as I approach. With my head bent I look at Eddie who's gaze at me is serious, almost sad but then he smirks and picks up his beer bottle and takes a big swig.

Suddenly I get angry. I turn to him and poke him on the chest.

"What the fuck is wrong with you?"

"Chill, babe." He says.

He grabs my hand and pulls me towards him.

I lose my balance. With one hand on his chest I try to keep myself from falling into his lap. He takes my chin between his fingers and fixates me with his incredible eyes. As if in slow motion he pulls me closer and his mouth, smelling of beer, brushes mine - while he whispers my name. I feel his warmth. His breathing. He stares in my eyes. Slowly his eyelids drop and I shiver.

We are in limbo.

His mates cheer and the atmosphere changes again when with one fluid motion he turns me around so I land on the bench beside him.

"Now tell me, sweet child, what can I do for you?"

"Urrrrghh."

I brake free from his grasp and, while the laughter of his friends follows me, I slam the door of the toilet behind me.

The face of the girl stares back at me.
She is beautiful in an unusual way. Her eyes are too big for her face and her brows seem almost painted in a frivolous way, like you would draw a naughty fairy's. Her nose is small and her mouth is broad, with thin lips. Freckles...and red cheeks, she has. Flushed. She looks at me: angry.

But she doesn’t seem crazy.... and yet, she feels like she's gone mad.

"I'm not the one that's crazy." I tell myself.

I wash my hands and take another glance at my image in the mirror. I stick out my tongue. Dry my hands in my hair and leave the toilet with straight shoulders.

When I hear a whistle I turn around and drunken Eddie and his mates fall silent again.

I hope my eyes are like daggers when I mouth the words 'asshole' to Eddie, provoking an other salvo of laughter and slapping shoulders, and continue to walk to my friends.

"Hálwen."

I freeze. Eddie stands behind me. Lays his hand on my shoulder.

"Please, Hálwen, let's talk." He whispers with his deep, soft voice in my ear. Tickling the hair in my neck with his breathing.

"There is nothing to talk about. You are an erratic unreliable asshole." I shake of his hand.

Panting I return to my table. Leaving Eddie standing in the middle of the pub with a bewildered look on his face.

Sas hugs me.

"You're alright, kid?" She asks warm.

"Yeeees." I sigh. "I just want to go home."

I try to make myself comfortable on Sas's couch. But it feels as if the sleeping bag tries to choke me and it is too cold to do without. I'm so restless and my legs hurt. I keep kicking and stretching, just can't rid myself of the insomnia.

With a resolute movement I roll of the couch and worm myself out of the sleeping bag.

Silently I sneak out of Sas's apartment.

The streets are empty.

All is quiet when I walk to my old house.

A rat is scavenging through garbage and stares at me with mean black eyes when I open the front door with the latchkey I still had on my bunch.

Everything is dark in the house.

My room is not locked.

When I open the door it feels the same as always. The same smell, even the warmth. But my things aren't in it. I walk to the window and open the blinds. Stare out of the window a while. It has started raining.

When I turn around I see it. My wall. Graffiti. Paint. Huge characters dramatically splashed on the white wall.

WHERE ARE YOU!