In my bed, curled up under the sheets but
still shivering, I cannot fall asleep.
I have no idea why I let him do what he did
and why it seemed a matter of course. As if it is a natural thing for me to
surrender to him. Like I've always known him.
I don't know if I feel like a goddess or a cheap hoe.
I don't know if I feel like a goddess or a cheap hoe.
I shudder and bite a piece of skin on my
thumb.
I must have been daydreaming. It can't have been real.
But I feel a twitch in my womb when I think about his eyes, the whites of his eyes, and his hand, the tightness of his pants.
I must have been daydreaming. It can't have been real.
But I feel a twitch in my womb when I think about his eyes, the whites of his eyes, and his hand, the tightness of his pants.
My cat jumps on the bed. Starts purring and
flexing his paws on the duvet.
My breathing gets more even and I feel I'm
slowly floating into oblivion.
My phone rings and when I try to get it
from the nightstand it falls. The ringtone almost sounds angry now. Grunting I
kick the duvet together with my cat to the foot section and reach for the device.
"Hullo." I mumble.
"Good morning sunshine." I hear
the cheerful voice of my friend Mara.
"Hhhhh."
"Oh...alright. Let me guess. The
wolf?"
"Shit, Mara?"
"Are you still in one piece?"
"Nothing happened!" I exclaim.
Trying to convince myself. "He returned my car keys. That's all.
He....uh...."
"Did he repair your car?" Mara
asks, suspicious.
"Uhm...yes...uh...I guess...."
"You're not sure?"
"Well. I'll look later. It was dark
when he brought back my keys."
"Ivar, is everything okay?"
I tell Mara that I've had this weird
fantasy about the wolf, about how he entered my house, my mirror, my aura, my
intimacy. And how I let him.
"But he has returned your keys?"
Mara asks after some silence.
I get out of bed and walk to the table.
On the table are my car keys.
"But how did they get there?"
Mara wonders.
"I don't know." I touch the car
keys. The cold metal in shrill contrast with the warmth of his hands.
"Ivar?"
"Listen, Mara, it was a
dream...it...."
I suddenly remember I have a spare set of
my house keys in the clove compartment of my car. So that is how he got in.
Yes, must have been.
"Mara?"
I tell her about my keys.
"Shall I send Paul over to get your lock changed?" Says Mara.
"No. It will be alright. Hey, Mara,
let me remind you I'm picking you up tonight. Victor's party. Remember? The
Marvel party? Get your Poison Ivy costume ready. I'll be at your house at 22.30 hours."
When I break the connection I feel
determined to reject the idea that my downstairs neighbour got into my
apartment so that he - we - could be intimate. I will check my car's clove
compartment and if my house keys are not there I will politely ask them back.
The guy is a hottie, not a creep. Of that I'm sure.
Giggling I get into my Marvel villain
costume. I do so love these dress up parties.
Victor is an old friend from school. He was
a shy boy, but during his college years he did some stuff in IT and well....he
got rich. Turned into a party boy. We don't really share the same interests but
he keeps inviting me to his parties. Well, I don't complain.
I put on my mask, breath in and adjust my
body suit, paste a plaster on my heel - in case I get a blister - and slide in
my knee high stiletto boots.
Ready to go. When I get my car keys a heat flash
comes over me. I think of the Wolf and his able touch.
My car is here, I walk around it and no
visible scratch or dent. As if nothing has happened. The spare keys of my house
are still in the clove compartment.
But my car won't start.
Nothing.
Dead.
I mutter a curse and frustrated slam the
door.
"Fuck!"
I look at the time. Mara is waiting for me.
What now.
With clenched fists I bang on his door.
"Open up. I know you're home!"
Nothing.
"Eddie, open the door, my fucking car
won't start!"
Somehow I feel he's on the other side.
"Eddie?" I whisper.
"Yeah." He says after some
silence.
I feel his reluctance when he opens the
door.
Then his mouth seems to drop open.
He seems to gasp.
"Catwoman?" He stammers.
Randomly thought of you and your stories today.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering if you were feeling any better than the last time you posted an entry and decided to check for myself...
I love, love, love the way you write. I was missing your posts. Is this weird? I hope you're doing alright!
Sending you lots of love and good vibes ��
Dear Anon,
DeleteNot weird at all, at least not to me, in fact I love what you are saying.
No, I'm not feeling much better - but I am sure i will get into to that writing zone....maybe not tomorrow, but perhaps in two months? Who knows.
Comments like yours sure help.
XXX